10 May 2022 -

How pottery helps me write

I wanted to make a ramen bowl!

I grew up doing art and craft as a hobby – and I love it. Back when I was in high school, students would have access to affordable short weekend and summer art/life skill classes like cooking, pottery, growing vegetables, and so many more. My school also offered these classes as an elective; each of us need to pick one class per semester. For example, one summer I took a class on raising earthworms for composting. The other I took clay handbuilding. It was fun! I can’t say I’m good at it, but I did enjoy it a lot over a decade ago.

When I found that UC Davis has a ‘craft center’, my excitement soared. Yet, I never made it into any of the classes… because the registration period was on the first day of the instruction. I always had time conflicting classes or meetings, and one would need to be there IN PERSON to sign up for a class.

An opportunity came in Winter 2022, when the surge in COVID-19 infections driven by the new Omicron variant prompted my school to pivot back to online classes temporarily. The craft center let us sign up online this time. AND I FINALLY GOT IN. The registration opened at 12.30 PM. I learned later when I saw the roster that all my ‘classmates’ signed up within 60 seconds right after 12.30 PM. That’s how I got in ‘Beginner Wheelthrowing’.

The class was small. Every week, we sat on the wheel, learning how to shape clay into bowls, vase, and other things our imagination would take us. After a long day at work, I would go to the craft center and practice working with my clay. The basic first step is to center the clay on the wheel. Afterward, one could shape the clay into anything their heart desires – that’s when the artistic soul embodies you!

I soon figured I moved forward way slower than my classmates (who already made cute little cups by the second class). Even after so many weeks, I was still struggling at the very first step – centering my clay on the wheel properly. While the instructor finish throwing a piece in less than 10 minutes (one time being blindfolded, too), I spent over half an hour to just (not) center my clay (and ended up with a wobbling piece that I eventually needed to smash down). Yet, throwing clay into different shapes turned out to be very calming. I could keep doing it for hours.

Perhaps these ‘zen moments’ with the clay sparked my inner wisdom. I learned an unexpected lesson from throwing pots:

Trials & Errors.

During the time I took this throwing class, I was also trying to write my doctoral dissertation. For so long, although I don’t feel writing is hard(er that other research tasks), I do have fear for failure. I struggled to tell my research stories. I was told to write first with my heart and then edit with my head later. It was great advice— but, I still find it challenging to make sense of my data and get the insights on paper.

The most practical habit I’ve formed over years is to write every day. Turning tasks into habit makes writing way less daunting. But I still feel anxious and scare myself with the thought of “what if things go wrong, and my writing piece sucks?”. It paralyzed me from writing.

Back in the ceramic studio, I saw a couple of my studio veterans simply crushed their grand pieces down and started all over again, multiple times. Some ceramic fellows would just threw their (almost finished) dry pieces to the recycle bin. They just let it go. How could they detach themselves so easy from the art pieces they have been working on for so long (or in other words, it would have taken me so long to get those pieces to where they are..)?

I found it HARD to let things go and start over. But well, I decided to give it a try, with minor twists.

Instead of just smashing my pieces down when things don’t go as planned, I decided to add some creative turns. I figured I could use the dry pieces to test different glazes (ie colors; the finishing touches of the ceramic pieces). And I did try out a lot of different glazes! I found many of them were very unreliable :( – that is, the glazing outcomes may vary depending on the firing temperature and how I glazed the piece (thickness, reaction with the clay, etc.). Since I took pictures before and after glazing and firing of all my pieces, I now know which glazes go well with which clay.

I still struggle to ‘remake’ my piece. I could not replicate any of my pieces, yet. That is, all my pieces are ONE and ONLY in the world. I started out hoping to make a ramen bowl. So far, I made A ramen bowl. Just one (but at least one!!!). Some times I added too much water, some times I took too long to center the pieces, or some times I just accidentally knocked the pieces down. All my other pieces therefore took a creative turn and ended up being a juicer, a pot, a soap tray and so many other functional (and non-functional) art products.

The Trial & Error journey in my first throwing class made me feel less scared of making mistakes. First, because I could always smash my pieces into moldable clay and restart again. Second, even the piece was not what I planned out to be, I could pivot and use it as my opportunity to try new ideas out.

I ended up making ~20 random pieces!, in addition to that ONE ramen bowl.

I also did make a lot of progress writing. The daily writing feels less difficult not only because it became a habit, but also because I felt less scared ‘ruining’ my ‘pieces’. I enjoy the process (aka the journey) more even though the final products might not be 100% what I expected when I started. I know that I could always continue to improve my work, since one could say it will never be perfect. But, it could always be better!

I continue taking a ceramic class in the following quarter: Tall throwing. This time I wanted to try throwing a taller piece, like a foot-tall vase. I hope to make one of those fancy tall sculptures, and finally use thetop shelf which is normally reserved for the tall pieces only. In the first class, the instructor said we were expected to make one big vase by the end of the first 2 hr class (…in contrast, I thought I would make one after 7 sessions of the class, aka at the end of the whole class series haha; see how our expectations misaligned).

My progress remains slow, yet steady (while my classmates now could throw one new tall vase every time the class meets lol). The tallest piece I threw so far was like ~10 inches (and I was SO proud; the instructor helped me like 50% of my piece lmao). BUT, unexpectedly I finally learned a new way to center my clay with just one hand, and it’s way easier and reliable. I could now center my piece within 5-10 minutes! That’s when I realize I made progress and for the first time felt at peace with my pace.

I’m learning something new and I’m making progress. My (taller) piece may be just ~10 inch high for now, but it’s growing taller every time I go into the studio to practice.

Likewise, I’m growing every time I throw myself out to try (and fail). Enjoy the process, and just try again!

(I probably won’t succeed much as a potter (WHO KNOWS), but well, the fancy pots can be pretty pricey in the art market!!! – and I’m so proud I could throw my own pieces now. Perhaps if a career as a scientist doesn’t work out, I could start throwing more pots? There must be a niche market for my random artworks somewhere, right?)

category: journey
tag: science gradschool

Paul Kasemsap

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How pottery helps me write

Trials & Errors.

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